How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
