I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
