Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
