Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
