There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
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