Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
