Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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