Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
