Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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