My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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