Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
