Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
