So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
