When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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