the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
