ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
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