Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
