And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
