singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
