Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
