Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
