So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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