And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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