Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
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