Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
