Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
