I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
