Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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