I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
In America we eat man semen.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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