Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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