around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
