i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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