I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
