i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
