Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
