I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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