At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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