You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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