She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
