i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
