Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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