this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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