youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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