From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
