dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
