I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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