Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
