I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
