the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
