ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
