dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
