Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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