Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she told me i tasted like america
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
